...bring the fire...

I'm trying my best to be inspired. To be motivated. To do something that will benefit me. To do something that will make me happy and ease the gnawing hunger of desire to do something productive. My mind is swimming with electricity and I wonder when it'll pay off, when thinking so much will produce something wonderful. I sat in a club meeting today and thought, "Why not start my own club?" I won't because I'm too lazy. Or is it because I'm afraid of failure? With a little force, I made myself sit down and sketch out the rest of my t-shirt design for the Japanese club on campus. Will they like? Who knows. Will they use it? Probably not because I'm not as an amazing artist as everyone tells me. Everyone always tells me something that I seriously doubt...but they wouldn't go out of their way to say something nice so maybe there's something there. Some fuel to bring the fire of the muses into my mind to do something creative. To do something to make everyone glance twice. Can I do it? I don't have any delusions of grandeur, for I know that I'm not someone amazingly brilliant. My IQ is 195, doesn't matter because what's that supposed to prove to anyone? I scored high on an aptitude test for the government, am I going to become an agent of a capitalist government who'd rather jump ship than save the other passengers? No, but I'm not intelligent enough to gather a group or lead a group of people to make changes. I don't want to be great, but I want to do something beneficial to me and my future generations to come. It's scary to think about the things that I could do, but neglect to do. Should I try harder to stoke the fire of revolution within myself? Can I change for the better? I want this don't I? Hell yeah. I want to be someone that others recognize more than anything. I don't have to be great, but I want that acknowledgment. I don't know how, but I will do something that others will see. ...I just hope that when that fire burns, the fuel won't run out. The fire will passionately consume me and urge me forth into an unknown future. Others have great expectations of me, should I have them as well? Fine, I'll bring the fire to ignite my soul into action and come alive instead of just living everyday day to day. I'll use it to live instead of just existing and drifting along lifelessly in this cesspool of life. It's going to happen, I just need to work harder...who knows, maybe I will. Torch in hand, here I go.